Sorting through the memories..

I woke up this morning around 6am east coast time, that's where I live and have been trying to keep my internal clock normal, since I don't adjust to time changes well. I decided to start going through some of my mothers stuff. This was hard to do but I really needed to get this done, so I got some coffee and sat in the middle of her room and looked at all this stuff...my mother was a avid collector of masks.. She had a whole wall that was devoted to the ones from all of the world. My Grandfather was in the Army and traveled a lot during his time, well he used to bring one back to her from every country that he went to. So by the age of 57, you can understand that she had a rather large collection. And then there are her books.. She was a fan of romance novels.. I don't understand how she could spend and entire day in bed, crying and reading said love stories.. I find them to be very unrealistic, but I am the forever optimist ( well not always ). Anyways, she also read a lot of books on Quantum Physics.. she was a biochemical researcher for her career and enjoyed it immensely. She suffered from acute asthma. After 10 or so years my mother had to stop working in the lab for health reasons ( she had ovarian cancer ) and moved to the actual supervision of the department that oversaw the package of anti venins and other vials that were to be shipped to hospitals and labs throughout the states and abroad. She loved this job immensely as well,.it gave her a different avenue to per sue when her body seemed to be revolting against her.

From the time she was a small child she was sickly. She was born premature and nearly died then. But thanks to the love and knowledge of my grandmother, who was a nurse, she lived! But you the reader can garner that, cause I was born. When my Grandfathers time to retire in the Army came, he moved my Mother, 2 Aunts and Uncle from Sheffield England to Wichita Kansas. Later they moved all over Kansas, but they spent a long time here. This is where she was exposed to a bacteria that would infiltrate her lungs and would cause most of her health problems. Aspergalosis. Its a bacteria that is caused by pesticides that are sprayed onto crops.. my Grandfather was a farmer after his retirement and grew all sorts of veggies and fruits on their farm.

(Well I have no idea where I was going with all of that, but just to I guess talk about her? I have a tendency to go off on a tangent when I am not being careful with my thoughts, I do apologize to you reader.)

So as I was going through her things I started with pictures.. I put all the ones that I knew were originals in a box to take to a lab to have them duplicated for my brother. Those were some of the nicest pics of my mother and I have that I have seen.. Pics of me when she came to visit in Tehran, pics of my mom and dad together.. her pregnant with me and with my brother. I have to wait to get home to scan them.. but she was a radiant pregnant woman, despite the morning sickness I caused her. This of course made me cry.. but good tears.

Then it was onto her jewelry, which I am going to take to a appraiser ( as was her request ) she wanted me to divide it between my brother and I, her wedding ring/engagement ring to my brothers father is going to be his, as was the rings my father gave her during their time together, go to me etc.. I honestly don't want anything but the ring that I gave her for her 50th birthday. It was a ring I had made of her, mine and my brothers birthstone. She loved this ring and wore it everyday till she started to lose all this weight. Then she wore it around her neck on a chain. I wanted to size it down for her, but she wouldn't let me.. Said that she would be able to wear it again. She also wanted to make sure that after the wake was over, that her head be shaved and the hair donated to Locks of Love.. she didn't even bother going with treatment this time, so she had all of her beautiful hair..long blondish and curly.. her hair had been straight all of her life till she had treatment for breast cancer the first time. Then it grew back more wild then before and she loved it. So off it will go to the Locks of Love..

I decided to take a break from all of the sorting and try to eat something. There is a enormous amount of food downstairs and I have to do something with that as well. I could take it to the local shelter.. or the fire department down the street.. or just freeze it for Michael. He wont want to eat I am sure, so I am going to ask him.. but for now I need to try to eat, I am all about losing a few pounds here and there, but not like this..

So I in ending..
I am doing okay today. I am trying to get my head together and I still have to wait for the medical supply company to come get the bed and machinery. I put a screen over the entry way to the den area, its hard to look at the empty bed..I miss her a lot. And I am sure I am going to cry more throughout the day, but it helps to know that she is somewhere where there is no pain..and that she is looking down and smiling. I think Mike is going to sell the house and move out here to live near me.. My mother did leave me 50% of the house, but I am going to give it to Mike, he lived there with her long after I left.. so its his. All I want are pictures.